20-year-old woman refuses to give up the cat she planned to adopt after foster family informs her their kids got attached to the kitten, leading to a dispute: ‘She is not the owner’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Dec 1, 2025 11:00 PM EST

Unlike when you go on Facebook Marketplace to buy a second-hand sofa, when someone decides to adopt a pet, it shouldn't be based on a picture and a short description. Adopting a pet is a huge deal, a question of compatibility and bond, not just whether you liked the color of their fur and the general description of their personality.

Which means that if you want to adopt a pet you found in a post on social media, you have to arrange a meeting first, to make sure you actually belong together. Just like any relationship, you must check the waters and ensure the adoption is a good fit.

That is a vital step that the woman in the story below skipped. She planned to adopt a kitten she had never met, and didn't intend to meet before adopting her. However, she needed a few weeks before adopting the kitten, and while the owner initially agreed, this led the foster family to bond with the kitten in the meantime.

Now, the foster family doesn't want to give the kitten up, and the original adopter, despite never even meeting the cat, refuses to give up…

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  • AITA for refusing to give up the cat I wanted to adopt?

    It's going to be a pretty straightforward post, but I seriously need a second opinion, because right now I am so mad I'm second guessing myself.
    via shelessstry
  • "This cat has already found a home"
    via Mikhail Nilov

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I (f20, if that matters), a month ago saw an adoption post for two kittens found on the street.
    via shelessstry
  • I always wanted a cat, and always wanted to adopt - firmly believe that it's a better idea than buying an animal from breeders.
    via shelessstry
  • Now I finally have the financial means to support an animal, a stable situation regarding living conditions, and support from my family (who I still live with, since I am currently studying in university).
    via shelessstry
  • Back to the post - I saw it while we were away in our home country due to family reasons, and wrote the woman with the kittens, that I really like one of the girls.
    via shelessstry
  • She is very calm and tactile by the woman's words, and has the funniest expressions - if you imagine a cat from the Middle Age paintings, that will be her.
    via shelessstry
  • Anyway, the woman answered that she would gladly keep her a little longer so that I can pick her up immediately after getting back home.
    via shelessstry
  • Yesterday we finally got back - so I also immediately wrote her that hey, I'm finally ready to take my little girl home!
    via shelessstry
  • She answered that the little one is currently with her friend (temporarily, I unfortunately do not know the word in English for it), and that I can schedule a meeting with her to meet the kitten and discuss when to pick her up.
    via shelessstry
  • I wrote the woman who currently has the kitten, and we agreed that today I'll visit her.
    via shelessstry
  • That should've been it, right? But, today's morning, the woman in question wrote me that her nephew and mother don't want to give the kitten to anyone, and that her nephew is crying since yesterday because he doesn't want to let the little one go.
    via shelessstry
  • After that, she offered to "find me a new cat" in the group where other people basically do the same thing - helping to find home to cats from the streets.
    via shelessstry
  • I wrote that, no, I'm not giving up the cat, and that I could've met her in the middle in any other situation, but not this one.
    via shelessstry
  • I also wrote the woman who found the cat originally, the one who's been discussing the adoption with (a month ago!!!).
    via shelessstry
  • She was unpleasantly surprised, and told me that she would speak with her friend immediately, since she didn't know about this at all.
    via shelessstry
  • The situation is not solved yet, since it's only happened today, but I can't help but think if I'm overreacting?
    via shelessstry
  • I'm really, really mad, because why should I need to account for the feelings of a child, whose parents (or aunt, in this case), couldn't explain to him what "temporary" means?
    via shelessstry
  • I really, really love the kitten, and I don't want to give her up just because people I don't know have negative feelings about it.
    via shelessstry
  • On the other hand, I'm not really known for thinking straight when I'm mad, and I guess I need the opinion from people who don't know me, so that I can understand If im making a mistake here or not.
    via shelessstry
  • So, I'm I the asshole? EDIT: I've seen many people say it, so I want to clear something up: I won't "force" my way, try to kidnap the cat, etc.
    via shelessstry
  • If the situation can't be solved with words, I'm not going to show up on the foster's doorstep and demand to have the kitten.
    via shelessstry
  • But I need to mention that I've been in contact with the original "owner" while I was away, texting them nearly every day - and not once during that time the foster, or anyone else for that matter wanted to keep the kitten.
    via shelessstry
  • Cheezburger Image 10581907968
    via FatCamera

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Even yesterday the foster agreed to meet, and everything seemed well. Only today did she wrote that the nephew began to cry once she told him that other people would adopt, and that she won't give her away.
    via shelessstry
  • She is not the original owner, the owner in question hasn't been aware about this. EDIT2: After reading through the comments, I realised that part of the problem with the post in particular is the way I worded it (and writing it in a sense of frustration).
    via shelessstry
  • English isn't my first language (nor the second), and I really didn't know that it would come off that way.
    via shelessstry
  • I know she isn't my cat. I know im not entitled to her. I know that it was a verbal agreement, and those can go not as expected.
    via shelessstry
  • I'm not going to harass the foster, the owner, or anyone else - and I didn't do it before, I only wrote two messages in total, one to the foster, one to the owner.
    via shelessstry
  • I'm not going to keep contacting them if it is clear that everything is final. What I actually wanted to know opinions on, is how normal the situation where the foster, without anyone's knowledge (including the owner), decides to keep an animal just because someone in the family wanted it.
    via shelessstry
  • NOT an opinion if I should keep pushing my way through if the situation turns out the way I don't like.
    via shelessstry
  • But its my fault for not wording it better.
    via shelessstry
  • DoMBe87 She's been waiting a long time because of her choices. She waited something like a month and it seems like it inconvenienced the owner if she had to find a foster family for the kitten. She probably wasn't even sure OP would actually follow through after all of that.
    via DoMBe87
  • ConflictGullible392 You're allowed to have your feelings but YTA because "I'm not giving up the cat" - uh I mean you never had the cat. I don't think you have any rights in this situation. You don't have a written contract that you mention. I'm not sure what it is you think you're going to do to obtain the cat.
    via ConflictGullible392
  • PinkPandaHumor It's usually not a good idea to make a firm plan to adopt a kitty you've never even met. Have you thought about checking out a kitty adoption place to find out if your soul kitty is there?
    via PinkPandaHumor
  • OP shelessstry hi! I did, yes. In fact, I planned to do so right before the adoption I'm talking in the post came along. which can be a sign, idk. In any case, I think I mentioned it in one of the comments, but I'm ready to accept any outcome, and if that outcome will be that the kitty is staying with the fosters, I'll contact the adoption agency as I originally planned
    via shelessstry
  • Buffy11bnl YTA. I love cats and this cat has already found a home. There are maaaaaaaany cats who need a good home and it's stupid to set your sights on a single one without even meeting it in person! Do not adopt any animal sight unseen, meet them and hang out - just because a cat is cute doesn't mean it has a personality that will mesh with your lifestyle. Honestly you don't sound mature enough to have a pet so maybe wait a couple of years and volunteer with a pet rescue in the meantime.
    via Buffy11bnl
  • Fragrant-Duty-9015 YTA you haven't even met this cat - you don't love it. You love the idea of it. The little boy actually knows the kitten. Leave the cat where it is and find a new one. You don't really sound ready to adopt an animal if you care more about your feelings than the welfare of the cat who is already settled in a home.
    via Fragrant-Duty-9015

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aita adoption drama foster fail cat adoption foster kitten cute cats feline cat rescue family Cats rescue
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